A wonderful feeling

Day three of the occupation and William "Maarklaar" Hague is still moaning about the fit of his latex rubber mask.

Despite that, a new television model has been prepared, to compete with the World Cup, as male earthlings are fascinated by big bouncy things. And the High Command are meeting in a cupboard in a bid to convince the earthlings that they are listening to their pitiful wishes and mean them no harm.

The state broadcasting apparatus was instructed to convey to the earthlings that being in the cupboard was "a wonderful feeling", especially seeing the Supreme Leader in the prime minister's chair. So far, the earthlings seem to be buying it - they seem strangely reassured by the appointment of our cupboard.

Leaders meet

Supreme Leader David Cameron and his deputy Nick Clegg pose briefly for the cameras in front of the High Command building in Downing Street. The pair were later to hold a press conference, outlining their plans to stabilise their occupation.

Note, incidentally, the adoption of the new salute ... both leaders raise their hands, palms outwards, the little fingers slightly separated from the rest. This is thought to symbolise the primacy of the trinity, which is a central part of the Cleggeron belief system.